I came out here alone, far away from home, to feel all the feelings I’ve been avoiding. To remain a functioning mother, student, employee, sister, friend and congregation member I often bottle myself up and plaster on a smile to get through the days. I drown myself with alcohol, drugs and music and sleep just enough to muster up the motivation to survive one more day. Even when I’m writing I’m only willing to let go just a limited amount of my soul in fear that too much emotion will drain me indefinitely. As I sit here and let the cold wind pierce my core and the sound of the small waves crashing soothe me, I admittedly feel a little liberation. I let myself cry. I screamed. I punched the table. I kicked the rocks. I laughed hysterically at how ridiculous I must look. I just felt it. I feel it all. And it didn’t kill me. I feel alive. I feel unemcumbered. I feel energized. I feel mused. I have the strength to move forward more than just one more day now.
There’s no pain greater than seeing the one you love happy with someone else
It’s nothing less that forty four stabs in the heart while sitting in an electric chair at the bottom of the ocean all alone after tumbling off cloud 9.It’s a bad religion to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you.