Posted in poems

M&M; unfinished

My energy flows where the wild ones go

Amber lights down dark paths

Filling what was once hollow

My body shivers as I imagine

Finally stepping out of the shadows

Venturing into the unknown

Too curious not to follow

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Posted in poems

The other L word 

I can finally breathe

I’m open and alive

Then you knock the wind out of me

Warm honey

Like a flower begging for a bee

Minds racing

But I can barely speak

All of me is yours

I’m in your control

If you go deep enough

You’ll feel my soul

Watch me unfold

It’s a wave washing over me

I’m a slave to you totally

Exciting and serene

But chaotic, it’s a dream

I can’t feel this way

It’s so foreign

I use to hate it

Now I love the rain pourin

The way you stare into my eyes

It’s so allurin

What if I told you

What if I told you the truth

It’s been a while since I’ve

Had this sweet tooth

And your power

It’s proof

I was made for you

Breathe me in

Let’s get high and higher

The waves

They always crash eventually

Can we float to shore

Together

Remember this ride

This high forever

Posted in poems

She’s Coming; unfinished

You have seen her before

Back then she was your friend

When you first met her

You both wore a grin

This time when comes

She is coming as a foe

What you did to change her

You don’t even know

She stood right in front of you

You hardly saw her face

Don’t you remember me ?

She says with grace

Posted in poems

Blue Eyes

Hello. Goodbye.

I saw you smiling in a dream
You were more than surviving
Just as happy as you seemed
Your blue eyes glistened
You were playing guitar
I just sat there and listened
The lyrics spoke to my heart
I woke up to sadness and despair
I couldn’t take it any longer
So I chose to sleep forever there
Hoping in my dreams we’d sing forever, smiling without a care

Posted in poems

I Can’t

Where darkness lies
Between my mind and the deep blue skies
Between the smiles and the laughter
The tears that come after
When I’m alone
At 3am scrolling through my phone
Needing someone to save me from destruction
Can’t think of an introduction
So I convince myself I’m okay
It’s not that serious, I’m just being dramatic, It’s not that important
False alarm
So I disarm
Mechanically go about my days
Only a shell remaining like my soul has parted ways
Each week just a haze
I’m okay, I’m okay
I’m not okay. I wasn’t okay. Will I ever be ?
Digging deep in my happiest memories
Was I really happy ?
Or was I again just pretending
An actress in this movie of life with a role that’s never ending
I’m alright, I’m okay
Except when I’m alone
Forced to replay in my mind the things I’ve tried to forget
I can’t deal on my own
I can’t deal on my own
I can’t deal on my own

Posted in poems

Girl

I’m just a girl
I love the wind blowing through my hair
The color pink
Songs that make me think
A cute boy that gives a wink

I’m just a girl
I love to shop
I love warm weather where I can go outside to skip, jump and hop
I hate to sweep but I love to mop
I’m just a girl
I hate wearing pants
Give me a meet that’ll make me dance
I pretend my accent is from France
Ill prove myself if you give me a chance

I’m just a girl
I have a sister and brother
I’m full of dreams and wishes
Like for people to just love one another
I have a daughter, I am a mother

I’m a driver, a high fiver
A cook, your secret book
A lawyer, a movie spoiler
A friend til the end
A counseler, tell me your problems. Ill mend
Give me a rule, I might bend

I’m just a girl.

Posted in poems

Thump

Should I jump ?
Question of the day.
Because I’d do almost anything not to feel this way.
Nothing can ever fill this void.
Can’t take part in what I once enjoyed.
Seems like everything keeps me annoyed.
Every care I had…destroyed.
Dead on the inside and done crying out.
Because when I need help, I only get flout.
Every step forward is met with a clout.
Each subliminal gesture makes my heart strout.
Things used to be great, sorry it ends this way.
So to answer the question of the day.
….thump!

Posted in poems

Martyr; unfinished

Am I just a martyr for the pen

Is that why I allow the dark cloud to constantly pull me back in

These tiny, colorful pills do give me a rush

But I feel my creativity, they flush

The voices in my head, they hush

But the silence is almost sickening

I can feel the air thickening

It’s unsettling

I’m forgetting

The sensation of depressions touch

 

Posted in poems

Encouragement

Reach for the stars

You may not go far

But you’ll still be closer

Than where you currently are

Reach for the moon

You’ll be there soon

You can still make it

With no silver spoon

Follow your dreams

It’s not as hard as it seems

Keep fueling your fire

‘Til you burst at the seams

Posted in writings

Siento


I came out here alone, far away from home, to feel all the feelings I’ve been avoiding. To remain a functioning mother, student, employee, sister, friend and congregation member I often bottle myself up and plaster on a smile to get through the days. I drown myself with alcohol, drugs and music and sleep just enough to muster up the motivation to survive one more day. Even when I’m writing I’m only willing to let go just a limited amount of my soul in fear that too much emotion will drain me indefinitely. As I sit here and let the cold wind pierce my core and the sound of the small waves crashing soothe me, I admittedly feel a little liberation. I let myself cry. I screamed. I punched the table. I kicked the rocks. I laughed hysterically at how ridiculous I must look. I just felt it. I feel it all. And it didn’t kill me. I feel alive. I feel unemcumbered. I feel energized. I feel mused. I have the strength to move forward more than just one more day now.